A Fond Farewell

Good Saturday morning!  I’d like to take a quick opportunity to explain the absence of Average Joe, Jay over the last three days.  First off, I’m not dead or sick or angry at the world – and I certainly appreciate all the notes I’ve received asking where I have been.  Don’t think that for one second, that something is the matter, quite  the contrary in fact.

I guess it’s time to come clean.  I created Average Joe, Jay when I was in a real depression.  Life wasn’t going well for me and I had visited my doctor asking how I could make it better.  When he asked me “what do you love” I told him how I loved movies, pubs and writing.  He told me to avoid the pubs for a little while and put it all down on paper – or screen.

As a man who appreciates the advice I’m given and who genuinely listens to other angles, (something not everyone can do) I decided to try it out.  I didn’t want to be put on meds and if a strict regimen of diet, exercise and writing was going to cure what ailed me, well then, I was going to try that before being put on anti-depressants.

So I fathered Average Joe, Jay – a blog I intended to show the world what wonderful things there are to find and how truly amazing and passionate our species is.  Let’s face it, we’re capable of almost anything.  And guess what – the depression faded.  I started smiling as I wrote and I reveled in your comments and engaged myself with conversations I never thought I’d have.

And so I kept writing and enjoying what I was writing – basking in the awesomeness that is this incredible adventure.  And from September 2009 – June 2010…I have only skipped 4 days.

Why were these days missed?  Mostly because I’m exhausted and when I wake up, it’s very very difficult to find anything to write about any more.

The first skip really bothered me.  But the last three were consecutive and I’m okay with that.  Here’s why.  I’m not the same person I was when I started writing this blog.  I’m not.  And I never gave up on Average Joe, Jay over the course of that time.  But I’ve run out of things to say.  I reach constantly and I don’t think that’s what I want from this blog.

I know there’s so much more I can write about, but this blog has done everything I intended it to do.  It has inspired the uninspired and it has rejuvenated it’s writer.

So I think what I’m trying to say is thank you.  Thank you for reading every morning.  Thank you for taking me in and not criticizing it’s efforts.

I’m not going to stop writing – but I feel like this particular blog has jumped the shark…and I hate that feeling.  And sometimes, when things aren’t what you want them to be, you just need to let go.  I want to remember Average Joe, Jay for the blog that is always was meant to be.  So, on this my 186th post  I’m saying thank you, and I think for now it’s farewell.

I’m sure we’ll have many other blogging adventures together.  There isn’t a goal that I haven’t reached with Average Joe, Jay.  I don’t need to hit 200, or 1000 posts, this was never that kind of blog.

I can guarantee this – the blog will remain up on the website.  In the days to come, I’m sure I’ll read it through again.  I may print it and get it bound for those days when I need a reminder that the world is not all dark and gray.  And when I’m much older, for the days I’ll need the nostalgia.

I hope I’ve inspired you to take action in your own lives as this blog has inspired me to do.  And I hope wherever my next blogging ideas take me, you’ll join me there too – wherever and whenever that may be.  Thank you for everything…and farewell for now.

“This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.” Winston Churchill

Toy Story 3

Today I’m taking a day off.  But I didn’t want to entirely skip the blog like I did last Friday.  I have a word of advice for you though.  See Toy Story 3.  So far it’s the best movie of 2010.  I can’t begin to tell you how remarkable a film this is and I’m surprised that I was so moved by a movie with a 3 in it.

See this movie as soon as you can.  But be prepared for the waterworks.  Sincerely, the final 10 minutes of this film…you’re going to be bawling your eyes out.

The thing about Pixar films is that they can reach inside you and pull out that little kid inside and then remind you how wonderful the smallest things in life are.  Things like a toy you had when you were 10 and why that toy meant the world to you.  And here we are years older, wondering where that toy has gone?  Well maybe you’re not, but that’s because you haven’t seen the movie yet!  Go! Go! Go!  And enjoy!

“The more they say it’s like Toy Story, the more I smile.”  Kris Jamsa

Zombie

The Zombie walks through the apartment, scouring, opening his mouth in anticipation. He stumbles into a small wet rectangular room and begins fiddling with knobs on the wall exciting his feeble mind as rain falls on him from no where.

He jerks himself out of the rain cube and looks at a slab on the wall with a person in it. Its his own reflection and he pays it no mind. A zombie is not appetizing to another zombie.

Finally the zombie finds his way into the kitchen, a strange world with appliances and cutlery.  He picks up a butter knife and stares at it for a moment. Dropping the item, he moves to the plush oversized cushion and lays on it for a moment. Bliss.

But he knows he has work that is not complete and so the Zombie finds his way out of the apartment and into the world.

Happy Monday everybody.  Don’t let your inner Zombie run wild for too long today!

Tags: Monday Morning, Zombie

Why not?

I love days when I wake up to a song that really jazzes me!  A song that tells me something about life.

“So walk a little slower and open up your eyes, sometimes it’s so hard to see the good things passing by.  There may never be a sign or flashing neon light, telling you to make your move or when the time is right.”

It’s those times we feel a little less angry at the world for hitting you so early in the morning instructing you to get up and just let it loose today!  Sure there’s a ton of work on your desk and the biggest event of a Radio station’s existance is on Saturday…but right now you’re tapping your toes, baby!

“So why not…take a crazy chance!  Why not…do a crazy dance! If you lose the moment, you might lose a lot.  So why not? Why not!”

So I hope you pop on a toe tapping number, because today is Thursday people.  And that means it’s crunch time!  But not yet.  Right now, you’re still at home in your pajamas swinging your legs back and forth – smiling to yourself.  Make this day yours right from the start!  Today’s YOUR day!

“So why not? Why not!”  – Hilary Duff

Please, Forgive Me

Forgiveness is something that almost everyone needs at one point in their lives or another.  We apologize all the time as Canadians, but when we’re wronged we hurt – and that hurt grows.  And forgiveness isn’t always on the horizon.

But I heard something the other day that really resonated with me.  “Asking someone to forgive you, that’s a lot to ask. ” If you’ve wronged someone, you’re asking them to forgive you and be over it!  That’s a ton to ask for!  We are all entitled to how we feel – being a highly over sensitive child and now an acutely over sensitive young man, I believe this whole heartedly. When you are feeling something, that feeling is never wrong.

Circumstances can be absolutely ridiculous!  But your body is trying to tell you something as truthfully as it can.  You hurt. You’re angry. You’re sad. You’re happy.  Guess what? You can’t control these things!

So asking someone to forgive you on the fly is kind of like asking me to hit three home runs and call the shots.  It might happen, but I’m no Babe Ruth!

And the point is, we have to allow for these things to happen naturally.  Eventually you stop caring about how mad you were at a friend and loved one, but asking someone to forgive you is kind of selfish. Yes, everyone needs to forgive – but in their own time.  It has to leave your system first! And if that person is really ready to forgive you, well they’ll let you know.  But don’t expect miracles immediately.

And if that doesn’t help you today, remember this.  Life’s a pretty long SOB, and there’s a time for everything.

“Wise man say, forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late Pizza” – Michaelangelo

Less Control, More Swagger

Today I was watching a little boy and his father interacting on the subway ride in.  He was doing things that little boys do. Kicking, eating, whining and generally being a little boy.   His father was really cool about it and made me think ‘what if?’  What if everything that was in your control all of a sudden wasn’t.

Examples?  Your spouse leaves you. You found out you have a fatal illness.  And in this case, what if someone phoned me today and told me I had a kid?  Let’s face it – boom!  Your life has changed!

First I thought about how I would react.  Then I thought about caring for a child.  Then I thought…huh, would it be the worse thing in the world?  Then I thought about telling my family – and my family is amazing, they would of course be a little bit concerned…but then completely accept their new grandchild into their life as the blessing it certainly would be.

It would most definitely take some getting used to.  And financially, I think I’d be in a little bit of trouble, but I’m pretty sure that I’d work it out.

And although I’m only following up with my example, the same would occur with the others, I’m certain.  If I were diagnosed with a disease that would take me off this planet, I’d deal, wouldn’t I?  Of course, I’m sure I’d take a week or two to travel this country, much like the amazing Canadian film One Week. But yeah, I’d make it happen and do everything I could.

The point is, I have my apartment. My stuff. My friends. My job. My family.  But I don’t have as much control of these things as I originally thought.  No one does. Because there are moments in life that change you.  That change the way you see the world.  And all we can do is deal with the curve balls as they come.  Hopefully with a little bit of dignity and a whole lot of swagger.

“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” Phyllis Diller

Let’s Meet!

I never understood people who actually enjoy being a part of meetings.  They’re not productive in the least, unless they’re for disciplinary matters and hashing things out.  And even then – who wants to be in a meeting like that?!

Honestly we’re living in the age of computers, cell phones, e-mail, google, twitter and more of the same…and we still need to sit down and hash things out in boring ancient old meetings!

But there’s hope dear friends – sometimes, every once in a while…there’s food at a meeting!  That’s right – you always have to look on the bright side.

You get to a meeting and there on the counter is free coffee and donuts! Or a giant sized pack of Super Nibs! Yum!  Or sometimes, there’s Pizza.  Those are gold baby!

So if you’re like me and you HATE meetings like I do, well then, the glass is half full when you see a big shiny glass jar full of smarties!  Game on!

“Appealing workplaces are to be avoided. One wants a room with no view, so imagination can meet memory in the dark.” Annie Dillard

A Weekend

Isn’t it nice heading into a weekend after a terrible week at work? It’s up there with Christmas and your birthday when you were ten.  Two days to refresh, restore and renew yourself.  Because let’s face it.  If something at the office is driving you nuts on a Wednesday, it’s basically going to still be there on Friday.  So bring on the weekend!

Two days of blissful couch potato-ing and socializing with people you’d rather be  with.  It’s not that the week can’t be like a weekend.  God knows, some nights you’re out yucking it up with the rest of them – but the weekend holds no boundaries of the impossible.  Anything could happen!

And sure most weekends are mundane to say the least, but the most magical things can happen within the mundane – can’t they?  A friend you never get to see could phone you up out of the blue.  You could find an item shopping you never thought you could afford, suddenly affordable! And yes, even meet the man or woman of your dreams on the weekend.

Life is full of surprises and magic – but a weekend almost insinuates change.  And every weekend change happens.  Even if it’s just in the slightest degree, almost unseen.  The change is always in you.  A new outlook. A new attitude. A new vital part of the healing process.   So bring on the weekend!

“- “I’ve been thinking Hobbes –”
- “On a weekend?”
- “Well, it wasn’t on purpose…””  Calvin & Hobbes cartoon strip

Grudges and Bullies

I learned something about myself the other day.  I hold grudges.  Not sure why, but I do.  Maybe it’s because I’ve been teased and bullied since the day I made friends.  Even my oldest friend, when we were kids, would tease me and treat me differently than anyone else.  I always thought that I was bullied because I could take it.  That’s a nice way of thinking about it.

But every once in a while, we can’t take it any longer.  We break down. We feel belittled and when someone’s mean to us, we’re mean back.

If you don’t know what this feels like, you’re one of the luckiest people in the world.

But then you’re supposed to let it all go.  But I don’t work that way.  If someone tells one of my secrets, I don’t tell them another.  If another makes me feel insignificant, I don’t trust that they won’t make me feel that horrible again.  And I usually don’t get past these things.

But the rest of the world tells us that it’s easy. Let things go. Blah, blah, blah.  How?

I’m asking you, dear reader, how?  If someone has deliberately gone out of their way to tear you down, how can you not feel a little victimized? A little disheveled?  You can put yourself in the other person’s shoes, but the reason is still unjust and they’ve done it to gain an advantage over you.  How do you just let it all go exactly?

I’ve dealt with bullying my whole life.  I deal with it still today when I go to work.  I cuss and I shout back in faces and that’s really the best I can do.  I’m not a mean person by nature – blunt yes, states the obvious, yes…but not intentionally mean.  And I”ll tell you what I do. I wake up and I take it.  Because I know that I can.

Should anyone have to take it? No.  But that’s not how life works.

And that’s what it means to persevere. That’s what it takes to feel good about yourself – waking up and just going through the motions day in and day out.  And still doing the best that you can.  Even when you’re fed up and angry.  You just keep going forward.  Because you can take it.   And that is a rare gift.

“Irish Alzheimer’s: you forget everything except the grudges” Judy Collins

The Surprise Cheque

My younger brother is moving out for the very first time.   When he told me this I slapped him on the back, shook his hand and said “welcome to a world of broke!”

Think back to the first time you were on your own.  There were so many things that you never thought you were going to have to pay for! Toilet paper. Shower curtain rings. Garbage bags. Soap dishes!  And a million other little things that when you first move out you forget that you need to buy!   But it’s all very important.

Living on your own is something everyone should try, and not a lot do.  Making your mark on the world could be done from your parents basement, but no one’s going to take you seriously.  So if you feel like your time has come to say goodbye to mom and pa, start looking for new digs.

I’ve made 3 moves in the past 3 years and I’m now in a place by my lonesome and loving every minute of it!  But the finance fairy does swoop in from time to time and rid me of that awful stuff the world calls money.  So I thought I’d take a minute and help the financially disillusioned.  You know, people just like myself.

If you find yourself in a dilemma where you’ve realized you’re broke before pay day here’s some things you can do.

1. Always keep a coin jar – and start counting!  Laugh now, but coins could buy you canned goods and noodles that will feed you for the remainder of the week.  Also, noodles make great left overs to bring to work for lunch!

2. Sell something!  There’s got to be something lying around your place that takes up space and that you don’t like anymore.  Put it up on Kijiji or Craigslist and sell it for a few bucks!

3. Books and Movies!  There are always stores looking to buy used books and DVDs – so if you can go without, sell a couple of those – you’re not going to break the bank by any means, but an extra 15 dollars could score you some more food, gas or transit tokens!

4. Read.  The cheapest thing in the world is to go to the library and pick up a book for free.  Then come back to your place and snuggle in for story time.

5. Get creative!  Walking around a city or going to a park can sometimes be the best part of anyone’s day.  Take along a frisbee or a football if you’re going with someone and start up a game with strangers!  It’s free and fun.

6. Don’t have cash for transit or gas? Keep an eye on the weather report and it’s time to hoof it or grab a bicycle!  But make sure you’re not squandering your tokens on days when you don’t have to!  Who knows when you’ll need to take transit to avoid the rain.

7.  And above all, don’t ask for hand outs! This will not remind you how junkie it was when you were broke and won’t compel you to watch your dollars!

Those are 7 tips I can give for managing when you’re broke.  But the best way to avoid all of these steps – watch your money and make better decisions.  Maybe I shouldn’t have spent 70 dollars at the bar is usually the kind of thoughts that appear in hind sight!

“Don’t lend people money, it gives them amnesia” Anonymous